Remembering my visit in a Psychiatric Hospital

I dusted off my breast pump today to send to my sister. I opened the cover to find these stickers. I hope no one recognizes them.

They represent the number of times my breast pump was evaluated for safety at a psychiatric hospital. The number of times I was committed because my Postpartum depression was so severe. The number of times I was separated from my child for seemingly endless periods of time. The number of times my machine was taken from me out of fear that I would use it to assist in the process of ending my life.

Everything has changed, and I couldn’t be more grateful. If every mom who needed help with Postpartum depression, got it, we wouldn’t have enough room in hospitals and dr.’s offices. We are the lucky ones.

I am very lucky.

I tried to rip the stickers off but they won’t come off easily or without leaving a mark. Just like the painful emotional scars this battle has left that can never be seen. But like the stickers, it’s all a part of this life changing journey.